No Mo Cancer No Mo!

The 2nd surgery path report came back that the margins were clean - hooray!!! I think I already blogged about how that day went.  Still pretty sore but I was finally able to lay on my stomach and both sides for a few minutes during the night last night.  That's pretty huge because since my mattress sucks with a big depression in the middle, I really need to change positions frequently during the night for the sake of my back.  I think I'm gonna get Steve to take me down to get a cheap new mattress soon!  We've been looking at those gel mattresses and really like them but not the $4000 price tag.  Maybe the way to go is just get a new mattress every couple of years.

Thursday I go see the radiation doc and so not looking forward to that.  I'm trying to think about it like scooping up dog poo - gotta be done every day no matter what so don't dwell on the fact that it will never end!  At least the radiation will.  If I get any more tired from that than I already am, it will be interesting to see how I function.  Every day I wake up thinking of things I would like to do.  But - I rarely get more done than getting showered and dressed, taking care of e-mail, doing a few dishes and maybe brushing a dog or two, making dinner and going to bed.  If lucky, I can maybe throw in a trip to get a few groceries or something like that.  I've never watched so many movies in my life.  Even though I haven't gained any weight, my body is quickly evolving into a shapeless blob.  I've had to cut back on my daily walks, the energy just isn't there.  Luckily my little dogs are happy with going up to my bedroom and chasing a toy for a few minutes each day.  The big doggies don't crave exercise as much so are doing OK with someone throwing the ball in the yard for them a few times a week.  I'm kinda starting to feel like a Granny who does little but sit in the corner in her rocker, watching the world go by.  

At the beginning of this I had so many goals for myself and dogs in agility this year.  The year isn't over by a long shot but I think by the time I'll really feel like doing any training or competing, it will be too hot.  That means I'll only have the Fall shows to try and get the qualifications I wanted.  It's hard trying not to frustrate myself thinking about it.  All my buddies were at a trial this past weekend.  I really hate thinking about how much farther behind them I'll be.  I'm praying my older dogs can hold on for awhile longer and will still be able to run again when I'm back on my feet.  The most exciting thing I have going is the Daisy Peel seminar booked for my barn the 1st week in November.  I tell you she's simply kicking arse in the agility world right now so what I'm sort of trying to do is have my fun living it vicariously through her.  I haven't even told her about my cancer.  But she's really busy for a few more weeks.  Then I will.      

This is a strange place for me, i.e., one where I'm not on the go 24/7 with no "thing" in the near term to accomplish.  It's so weird not to have to rush through every single thing I do to get it all taken care of.  I'm just trying my best to live in the moment and take things as they come.  I got the hospital bill for the 1st surgery yesterday and for now am very, very thankful for my job and health insurance.  I don't know how we would have ever paid for my treatments otherwise.

'til next time......