Duh, I KNOW I'm Not My Hair!

Not my favorite day.  The morning was OK.  I found an old VHS yoga cassette so popped it in and lo and behold, it was by the same instructor who is currently my fav - Jackie Potter of Namaste Yoga.  It was fun to do and fun to see how cute she was in 1998 with her long curly red hair, kinda like mine.   Afterward, colored my roots and then got ready for my appointment with the oncologist.

That's where the day went to hell.  Turns out in my last surgery invasive adenocarcinoma was found mixed in with the DCIS.  That made my cancer Stage 1 instead of Stage 0.  Also the Her2 receptors were 3+.  Both situations probably warrant additional treatment.  There is a drug for the Her2 receptors that is given once a week by IV.  But for the invasive adenocarcinoma, chemo is recommended to protect against a recurrence, which could evidently happen anywhere in my body, not just my breasts.  Damn it to bloody hell!!!!  Between the chemo and herception (for the Her2), I would be in the chemo room for 2 hours at a whack.  Have you ever seen a chemo room?  Rows and rows of lounge chairs, all with sickly people in them, all getting treated simultaneously.  Brightly lit, no sound, cold, hard, uncomfortable.  A shitty place overall.

I was told with the surgery I had and radiation, I would have a 66% chance of not having a recurrence of cancer.  With chemo and herceptin, it would lessen the chances further but still there would be no 100% guarantee.  Is it worth it for a few more percentage points?

Chemo:  there are a couple of options.  One is 6 doses given every 3 weeks, aggressive, kicks your butt for about a week and you lose your hair.  Damn, I'm just starting to feel normal after the surgeries.  It's almost unbearable to think about the nausea and pain and fatigue that would accompany this.  The other is 12 lower level doses given every week.  The main side effect is neurological where fingers and toes go numb, at least to the best of my understanding - but allegedly not so bad if you use some sort of cold treatment during the chemo and afterward.  This one may be hard if you have to work on a keyboard though.  Hair thins but is not lost.  The doc said most people cut their hair short for this one.

Hair:  I have long hair and it's pretty nice hair if I do say so myself.  It's naturally curly and even tho it can be frizzy and wild at times, it's easy to work with and I can wear it a zillion ways.  Around Christmas time I colored it Ombre, where it's sort of the reverse of what's popular now...darker roots and lighter ends as if my summer beached blonde hair is growing out.  I love the color.  I love that I can do so many things with it.  I love feeling my ponytail swish around when I run my dogs.  It's just so danged easy to clip and unclip during a show, or stuff under a ball cap, whatever I want.  I had my hair short in the 90's and it was a pain.  It was too short to pull up.  It had its own idea of where and how it wanted to curl and no amount of work with the blow dryer or curling iron would change its mind.  Can I go back to that?  Or worse, no hair at all?  Duh - I KNOW I am not my hair.  I'm not stupid.  I just hate inconvenient, difficult, pain in the ass situations.  I spend my whole life trying to be prepared so as not to be in those.  Now I'll have no choice.

I can chose to do nothing in the way of treatment too.  So, I've definitely gotta think things through.  Definitely thinking a 2nd opinion is warranted at this point and maybe need to call my work health advocate tomorrow.  Need to do some more reading too.  I'm just really mad tonight.  And that's that.